Right now, I don’t know what I’m doing with myself - and I feel like I could use some advice. I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub to post it in.
So, this post requires a lot of context and there’s a TL;DR at the bottom.
I was a model student in high school… sort of. My lowest grade was an 85 and I graduated 6th - but I slept through most of my classes and only put in enough effort to never have homework / not have much to do most evenings. I’m in Canada, and our province’s public education system is extremely underfunded; HS was boring for me, so I would often seek our guidance counselor (my parents were domineering and didn’t understand).
He wouldn’t help. In my senior year, he even had the gall to say “If you were a junior, I could do something for you - but you’re not.” This is despite my going to him at least twice a year, so I knew it was a lie.
I had a few teachers that bullied me or fucked me over, too - to the point that other students would ask me “Why does X hate you?” Another teacher, who once tried to show me that I didn’t know everything, got his facts wrong and wouldn’t accept the correct answer; he later said “you’re not so smart and you don’t deserve to attend (a thing for my uni’s top applicants).” to my face.
Despite that, a lot of people would say things like “university was made for guys like you.” That was a lie.
I have it on good authority that, if things had gone my way (if I’d skipped grades early - which my parents said they wouldn’t let me do for social reasons) and high school had been helpful, I could’ve been the youngest attorney in my country’s history. I’m very bitter about that, but it gets worse.
When I went to university - that great Mecca for people like me? I was screwed over and extorted.
In my second year, I worked three jobs (freelance writer / editor, campus security supervisor, and Copy Editor for a newspaper). Many classes at the university have attendance policies, which more or less hold your grades hostage. One English prof in particular was going to turn my A+ level work into an F, despite my explaining why I couldn’t attend. Her policy was that if you missed 4 classes, she would chop your final grade by one third of a letter (an A+ would be an A); the department, meanwhile, had a policy that if you missed 50% of classroom days, you’d get an F.
To be honest, I’m opposed to these things on a philosophical level. The argument of “the workplace doesn’t work this way” doesn’t hold water when all of my work is done on time and better than people who show up, in addition to my reason for not attending BEING work. I know that these places see you as a number and their pay remains the same, but I felt like it was handicapping me for being talented enough to do the work well (despite everything) and penalizing me for, quote: "not putting my a** in a chair."
I spoke to two different academic advisors who didn’t help. One of them kicked me out of her office one day, when all I wanted to do was see what alternatives were available (I did say “this is disingenuous” - and her response, despite it being within her normal office hours, was “I have some disingenuous mid-terms to mark. Get out.”)
Thus, I dropped out - and ended up with two zeroes on my transcript. Due to mental and physical health issues in second term, first year, my grades dipped from the 4.3 I entered uni with to a 3.5 (end of first year), and finally settled at a 2.8 (zeroes after first term, second year).
I tried going back in January, but the wounds were still pretty fresh. I dropped out in February and that’s when the extortion began.
To be fair, I dropped out after the final date for a pro-rated refund, but their payment plan is more or less illegal (signed under duress because of two jobs being through the uni, signed without being informed of other terms and conditions or these dates - therefore by error - and only being made aware of these dates / policies AFTER I dropped out, which could constitute intentional malpractice on their part in the interest of money).
I paid them to keep them quiet, despite my principles.
Then in September, I went back again. This time, they tried charging me a late fee despite my having a payment plan; I nearly exploded, but did the rational thing and sent them a copy of my documents - then dropped out.
This time, I was within the dates for a refund… but didn’t receive much of one due to other terms and conditions that I was, again, not aware of until they became relevant to the uni / them getting my money.
I didn’t fight back. I just paid them.
Then, I applied for an online uni per my academic advisor’s recommendation.
I started my program on 1 June, but I’m having issues. The schoolwork seems really easy, but there’s a lot of it. I feel anxious and depressed; because of my previous abuses, I feel like I don’t have a future - and I’m worried that my dream (becoming a prosecutor) won’t be worth all the abuse or hassle I’ve suffered thus far.
To be honest, I describe it as “a r*pe victim going into their first real relationship after being r*ped.” I know that’s a bit extreme, but it really sums up the way I feel about everything.
I’ve considered my options pretty thoroughly, but I don’t feel like any of them are good. I’m tired of putting my future on hold, so dropping out doesn’t feel like an option; entering the workforce is hard in this province (I can’t even get a fast food job) - and I have a few vision problems, so anything with a license is automatically out.
I could move and go to a different school, but then I’m back to square one. I signed up for therapy, but there’s a huge waiting list. I don’t know if they can help, because it was noted that I’m still bitter about everything even though it’s been almost two years (since it started) and one since I separated from my former uni.
I also went so far as to consider going back to the school that extorted me and attending classes, but tbh I don’t want to give them another dime. I was subsidized and had a student loan, but still owed them cash.
TL;DR: Have been thoroughly abused by the education system despite being extremely bright. Just started a new program and am not sure how to continue due to depression and anxiety. I've weighed my options and none of them seem good. Please, I need some advice and I don't know where to go.
Submitted June 19, 2019 at 01:27PM by LongwinterCipher http://bit.ly/2XntCNn
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