The universe in my perspective, any help?

Is it still worthy living in a what seems tot be uncountable number of years? We won't live through them all, that's for sure. But even when we will, is it? Science doesn't prove "after life" or anything else interesting after death. So is consciousness really that much of a deal? Or even existence? It has truly no meaning to exist in this "universe". If you imagined how the universe works, even incorrectly. After some nights of thinking, while i did that, it snapped, I did not care much anymore. I can't explain what exactly went through my head at that moment. But suddenly everything felt like dream. Or worse. My brain suddenly worked in a other way or something. Everybody said some things to me like: why do you think about that that way? Or: you should go visit some kind of doctor man, something has really happened. To you.

I was confused about myself, why was I thinking like that. No one was able to put a single hint of a smile on my face. I was really really serious all of the time. I did not feel sad or happy or anything but blurry. I did get frustrates sometimes, but very lightly. I did not notice myself but I remember someone saying, bro how could you watch that!!? I didn't even notice but a was looking at some dark creepy gore videos, trying to understand. And understanding some parts of it. Really weird. After some time, again something snapped and it was back. I was Ill after it came back, very ill. I don't know why I became Ill but I was able to feel happy again, or sad, or angy, or scared. I was really happy it came back, while when I was in that sort of dream mode, I didn't even care about getting my normal life back. So back again in dream mode, I asked myself these exact questions: is it worthy existing. Am I me for a reason? Is there any reason things should exits. If a had a button, when I pressed it everything would be erased. Would I care? Would it matter?

I answered to my questions: no, no, no and no

Now I automatically get ignorant when I look at those questions, and answer: yes, yes, yes and yes automatically, because it mad me happy thinking I have a reason. But now I am going to ask YOU a few questions:

Have you ever thought about this?

Is there always a tsunami of thoughts in your head like mine?

Do you think existence is important, after trying to understand?( if yes, then you truly understand what was happening with me, if no, try to understand again, and again, and again. )

If there are some tips to be even happy, without having a reason to exist, I'll be thankfully.

Edit: Also, if someone can explain all of this, y know you just fixed my life ;)

Thx for reading. Bye

Submitted June 05, 2019 at 02:42PM by Ar_gh http://bit.ly/2Kvd3Z2