I Have Found the Right Way to Educate My Timid and Cowardly Daughter (I)

The education of children is a pretty thorny issue in today’s society, which had also bothered Shiyu. In order to change her timid and cowardly daughter, she had tried a lot of methods, but none of them worked. Both her daughter and she ended up living in pain. Later, she finally found the right path in God’s words and the two of them experienced a pleasant change.

I Have Found the Right Way to Educate My Timid and Cowardly Daughter (I)

By Shiyu, Hong Kong

“Mommy, I made a new friend in school today …” Looking at my cheerful daughter, I smiled with my heart because I knew how hard it was for her, who was timid and cowardly, to say such a simple word. If it were not for God’s guidance, I’m afraid my daughter still wouldn’t talk to me today, much less would she take the initiative to make friends with others …

After My Daughter’s Birth, I Begin to Make Plans for Her Life

“Waah …” With a cry, a new life was born into this world. “Congratulations! It’s a girl,” said the doctor as she held my daughter and brought her over to me. Seeing how adorable my daughter was, I was filled with excitement—I’d always wanted a girl, and now this dream finally came true.

When I was a child, my parents didn’t pay attention to cultivating my talents or interests, and I read little and had few interactions with other people, which I thought resulted in me growing up to be a perfectly ordinary person who had neither talents nor social skills. I didn’t want my daughter to be like me when she grew up, so I secretly began to make plans in my heart: I must raise my daughter to be a well behaved, well mannered, and sociable person who is admired and looked up to by others. As long as she can be successful, my life will be worthwhile.

My First Attempt to Change My Daughter’s Character Ends Up in Failure

But things didn’t go as planned. As time wore on, I found that my daughter was very timid, so much so that she would hide behind me as soon as she saw a stranger. This made me feel worried: She is so timid now, so will she grow to be as unsociable as me in the future? If so, how could she get a foothold in society? No! I can’t let her fail before she has even started.

Learning that preschool education could help children fit into community life and promote their learning skills, I immediately signed my daughter up for English class and art class, and planned for her to learn ballet. Besides, I often took her out to engage with other people so as to develop her social competence. But to my surprise, as she gradually grew up, she began to rebel and still didn’t like to socialize with people. Sometimes she would have tantrums and refuse to go to school. Thinking of how I had expended so much time and energy but achieved nothing in the end, I felt very angry. I thought: “Haven’t I done so much for the sake of your future? How could you be so disappointing?”

My daughter’s refusal to cooperate made me more and more irritable, and whenever she had a tantrum, I would scold her loudly, “I’m doing this for your own good. How could you be so disobedient?” Frightened by my harsh tone, my daughter burst into tears. At the sight of her weepy eyes, my heart would soften. Later, however, no matter how hard I tried, she still refused to fit in the life I had arranged for her. This made me very frustrated and I could only comfort myself by thinking, “She is still too small. Maybe she will change for the better when she gets older. As she comes into contact with more people, she will naturally become bolder.”

The Problem Gets Ever Worse as My Daughter Grows Up

One day after school, my daughter’s teacher called me into her office and asked, “Kaiyi doesn’t play with her classmates at school but just sits there alone all the time. Is she like this at home? She never tells us when she needs to go to the bathroom, and neither does she answer our questions. I’d like to know how you interact with her at home.” I didn’t know how to answer the teacher’s questions but just felt so embarrassed. I thought: “Over these years, I’ve been trying so hard to raise my daughter to be talented, but not only hasn’t she changed in the slightest, but she even couldn’t get along with others properly.”

As we were walking home, I scolded my daughter angrily, “I’ve told you so many times that if you want to go to the bathroom, just tell your teacher. You are a big girl now. Isn’t it embarrassing to wet yourself? You can talk to your teacher no matter what happens at school. What is there for you to fear?” Subjected to my sudden reproach, my daughter felt wronged and burst into tears. Seeing the fear in her eyes, I realized that losing my temper wouldn’t solve any problem, but would only make her more and more timid. The people around me often advised me, saying, “Your daughter is too cowardly and she cries all the time. You really need to educate her. As the saying goes, ‘A fond mother spoils the son.’ If she doesn’t obey you, just give her a stern telling off. Sometimes force is the best way to solve problems.” Hearing this, I felt really bad and wondered: I’ve already tried my best, so why couldn’t I change my daughter?

God’s Words Guide Me to Find the Root of the Problem

When I was helpless and in pain, I accepted God’s work of the last days. I came before God and called out to Him, “O God! I’ve tried everything to solve my daughter’s problem, but it was all to no avail. I’m feeling very depressed and don’t know how to educate her. I ask You to help me.”

In a meeting, I came across this passage of God’s words: “But when it comes time for people to raise the next generation, they will project all their unrealized desires in the first half of their lives onto their descendants, hoping that their offspring will make up for all the disappointments they experienced in the first half of their lives. So people indulge in all kinds of fantasies about their children: that their daughters will grow up to be stunning beauties, their sons dashing gentlemen; that their daughters will be cultured and talented and their sons brilliant students and star athletes; that their daughters will be gentle, virtuous, and sensible, their sons intelligent, capable, and sensitive. They hope that be it daughters or sons, they will respect their elders, be considerate of their parents, be loved and praised by everyone…. At this point hopes for life spring afresh, and new passions are kindled in people’s hearts. People know that they are powerless and hopeless in this life, that they will not have another chance, another hope, to stand out from others, and that they have no choice but to accept their fates. And so they project all their hopes, their unrealized desires and ideals, onto the next generation, hoping that their offspring can help them achieve their dreams and realize their desires; that their daughters and sons will bring glory to the family name, become important, rich, or famous; in short, they want to see their children’s fortunes soar. People’s plans and fantasies are perfect; do they not know that the number of children they have, their children’s appearance, abilities, and so forth, are not for them to decide, that their children’s fates do not at all rest in their palms? Humans are not the masters of their own fate, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to control those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?”

What God’s words revealed was exactly our current conditions. As parents, we all want our children to become outstanding and successful people who are held in high esteem by others, so we force them to grow according to our own will, trying to control their fates in our hands. However, not only do things not turn out as we hoped, but we even end up bringing too much pressure and harm to our children. I recalled that ever since my daughter was born, dominated by this satanic view “The daughter becomes a phoenix,” I projected all my unrealized desires onto her and began to make plans for her future, aiming to raise her to be a well-mannered and outstanding girl so that she could be admired by others and tower over others. But unexpectedly, my daughter was born timid and cowardly and didn’t even dare to talk to others. In order to realize my dream, I signed her up to all kinds of classes and took her out to interact with other people, trying to improve her courage and cultivate her talents. When my daughter failed to live up to my requirements, I lost my patience and got angry with her, with the result that she suffered a blow and became even more cowardly, and I myself also lived in pain and complaints because my desires hadn’t been satisfied. I couldn’t even rule my own fate, but I actually tried to control my daughter’s future by relying on my arrogant disposition. I really had overestimated myself. At that time, my heart was filled with indebtedness to my daughter and I told myself that I could no longer treat her as I had before, but should change the way I educated her and practice in accordance with God’s requirements.

To Be Continued …

Part Two: I Have Found the Way to Educate My Timid and Cowardly Daughter (II)

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Submitted November 26, 2019 at 11:06AM by NeveahIzabella https://ift.tt/2R3Wk2D