Am I cut out to be a teacher?

I'm 32 with no career or children. I have worked with students with specific learning disabilities for 9 years. Took me 10 years to get my AA. I moved out at 20, my parents claimed me on their taxes, got no financial aid, worked 3 part-time jobs, and took 1-2 classes that were available at my jr. college.

Found out I have some type of learning disability in college when I started failing core classes. A counselor suggested I get an evaluation and I qualified for disability services, but they're not doctors so couldn't diagnose me or give me any clue as to wjat was wrong with me. Started passing my classss due to private test taking accommodations.

Got officially diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. My therapist friend who also has ADHD recommended and "diagnosed" me based on her professional experience, but told me to seek a professional. Symptoms got worse once I got married because if I forgot to do a chore or run an errand it didn't just effect me anymore.

During Covid I got the blessing of a free online college program and combined teaching credential paid by my job. I got almost all As because it's my wheel house ( special education behavior intervention).

Now that I'm all done with my degree, the university won't give it to me until I complete student teaching. This program won't let you student teach until you pass 3 of their exams. I passed 2 the first time.

This last test I've taken 4 times and still haven't passed. I've already been held back one year due to this stupid test. It's the Ohio Foundations of Reading 190. I've only worked in jr high and high school levels. We don’t teach the students reading fundamentals in upper grades.

I want to have children (2) before 35 if I can help it, but my husband doesn't want to buy a house or have children until I'm a teacher.

But I'm a fucking failure. I honestly barely make anything as a special education aide in CA. We're never going to progress in our lives because of me.

I hate that this stupid test is holding me back. In every class that I assist in, the students listen to me, want my help, and know that I genuinely care about them. I assist every student not just the ones with disabilities. I'm stern, but silly. I hold high expectations, but I'm understanding. I work with some teachers that don't even know the kids names.

I want to give up on this test, but if I do I won't get my degree. I'm so defeated. I'll never be a teacher or a mother. I feel like nothing I do matters. I don't understand how life can be so easy for everyone else. I'll never reach my goals. I can't be resilient anymore, I'm so tired of trying and failing.

Submitted December 23, 2023 at 07:33PM by Decent-Tomorrow3983 https://ift.tt/JagKpUd