Failed. Now what?

Hi. I'm currently in a graduate program studying English. As part of my program requirements, I'm supposed to take something called the "comps" exam in the fall of my last year. I took these written exams, which are based on roughly twenty books, about a week ago and just got the results that I didn't pass. In my program, if you fail a second time you are asked to leave the program. If I decide to take it again, I'll have to wait a month.

I have really bad depression and anxiety which have always made school difficult for me, but I've been keeping my head above water. I haven't really enjoyed graduate school, but the program I'm in has free-tuition and pays a stipend, so I've stuck with it mainly because it's a sound financial investment that has a degree at the end, regardless of whether it was "fulfilling." I also dislike most of the people in the program and spend most of my time alone doing schoolwork. I can name more things I dislike about this program than the things I like. But... it's free.

Anyways, I have the suspicion one of my two advisors might be a bit of a hard ass. This is okay when it comes to writing my thesis, which I am actually interested in, but not in the initial hurdle of passing the comp exams which signal, at least to the department, that I am "ready to begin thesis writing and research." Further, in reading my responses, I found that only one really seemed deficient. My other concern is that this advisor doesn't want me to pass because her career is based on composition and rhetoric (outcomes and assessment blah, blah, blah) which I'm kind of critiquing in my thesis as an important field that doesn't accomplish enough in the age of climate catastrophe. I should also note I'm the only one in the program who didn't pass. I have a 3.8-something GPA and the lowest grade I've received in the program is an A-. Like most people in the program, I didn't read everything on my reading list as doing so would have entailed two books a week for the entirety of summer, but I read a majority and what I didn't read I intended to read while writing the thesis. The problem is that I teach two classes (44 students) and take an environmental law class, which take up so much of my time that reading to pass my thesis is going to effect my effort toward those other pursuits. All of this is compounded by the fact that I have an advisor with unrealistic expectations (she suggested I read three books in the week leading up to my comps exam while school was in session).

Anyway, as far as I can see, I have two options.

a.) Meet with advisors and quietly accept all the shortcomings they see in my writing without defending myself, take the comps again and either fail or pass.

b.) Leave the program now without taking comps again, find two part-time jobs until my lease is up and move back to my home state. Finish degree at another school, or find another career path.

If you were me, what would you do? Or would you do something else? Thanks.

Submitted September 14, 2019 at 08:08PM by RoundRat2018 https://ift.tt/2Nn3TAr