Fallout With My Former Professor

I understand this forum is geared more for K-12 education, but I've been harassed/bullied off of the academic subs, so I'm hoping to receive kinder feedback here. Also, this situation happened nearly a year ago, but I've been tormented by it.

Alright, it's a long and complicated story, but in summary, I reported a professor whom I greatly admired to the department chair for both ignoring my email (when she didn't respond right away as she normally did) and for what I perceived as a curt tone in her previous reply. (Additionally, I mentioned a couple of other times where I perceived subtle fluctuations in her tone/mood--both in email and in person.) I had already graduated by the time I had written to her, and the email in question involved asking her for assistance with a project that had been accepted for presentation at an academic conference she was attending. Honestly, however, I only submitted the proposal as a pretense to continue working/interacting with her, and I had hoped to see her at this conference.

I should also mention that I have generalized anxiety disorder. This professor and I seemed to have a good rapport while I was in her courses, and although I only had two courses with her, I practically worshiped her. Thus, I was devastated when I thought she was upset or annoyed with me and wrote to the chair. Normally, misunderstanding someone's email tone is forgivable, but the chair brought the complaint to the dean and told the professor that I was accusing her of traumatizing me. I tried going to every level of administration and explaining that I wanted the grievance reversed, and they've assured me that she "wasn't harmed" by the grievance and has "no ill will toward me." Yet she's not speaking to me. (I wrote her one apology letter but it probably came across as insincere since it included a lor request.)

Some on the academic subs have suggested that she probably picked up on romantic interest and isn't answering me because she doesn't want to encourage it. That would be understandable, and I hope that's the case. (For reference: I'm a 37 year old woman, and this professor is a gay woman in her 60's.) I'm otherwise straight (I still feel attracted to men), but my feelings for this professor became so intense that it's had me questioning my sexuality. Unfortunately, however, I feel that it's more likely that she does simply hate me because I essentially brought serious allegations against her (inflicting emotional harm), albeit unintentionally. Yet, normally a student wouldn't be "traumatized" (and I wasn't) by a slightly curt tone, so maybe the whole thing does scream "infatuation." However, it's also difficult to imagine a professor not resenting a student for accusing them of harming them...So, I welcome everyone's take on the situation, as long as I"m not harassed (and harassing comments will be reported).

Also, does anyone think it would be worth it write her one more time to sincerely apologize?

Submitted January 23, 2020 at 08:40PM by Gemini725 https://ift.tt/2GkLiPE