Teacher relationship/friendship, inappropriate?

Hi guys, so im posting on here as a last resort for a bit of advice and outside opinion before i make any decisions. Sorry its lengthy. I (Female) 25, started secondary school in 2006 and left in 2011. During this time i had family issues and began getting really friendly with my head of year. She is female, she helped me out at school and sometimes did things like took my detentions off. Was supportive etc. I struggled a lot with mental health issues such as depression so we spent a lot of time together. During this time she told me we had a special connection and we were a team. When it come to leaving she wrote in my leavers book to keep in touch, we were friends for 9 years. i was suffering with depression and due to not having much family support i told her and she said she would come to the doctors with me which i feel was really good of her. We exhanged phone numbers and she made me feel as though i could trust her with everything, doctors visits, really personal issues etc. i moved out at a young age and got my own home due to family issues and she then started calling in for cups of tea etc. As time went on we started walking the dog together and things seemed to be okay, however i soon realised i was kept a secret to everyone and nobody knew about the friendship which wasnt the same from my side as i was quite open. So i felt slightly uncomfortable but i could understand to a certain extent. As she was so nice to me and i felt i could trust her i let it go and thought it would come in time. She would walk past her children in the supermarkets and put her head down if she was with me, but would always tell me i was her daughter. She said she liked it when i thought of her as my mum. Shed text and say she didnt need papers to say i was adopted and was like her surrogate child, shed say this knowing id always longed for this kind of family unit and that it was something i struggled with. She started a nickname of “mama elf” and would offen refer to herself as this. But again, no one was aware she came over at weekends to my house in the morning (saturday and sunday morning). She never slept over. As time went on and i got older it got more noticeable. My partner is quite handy so we offered to help her one time and do some work she needed doing, she accepted however she then told us it was time to go when people she knew started arriving and closed her curtains despite my partner not being finished, she later apologised and said id taken it in the wrong way however she had made it clear she wanted us to leave. My partner at this point said he flet there was a few red flags and thought i should steer cleer. However i felt on the whole shed been nice and gone above and beyond for me and him, and with it feeling like the only “family” i had, i didnt want to let that go. I feel an attachment had been created from school and i wasnt sure how to deal with it. And im now not sure if this was inappropriate. There was times she brought food round to my house when i was struggling and was so helpful despite doing things like this. she helped me mentally and potrayed herself as the mother figure which id always wanted and again she knew that. I was extremely vulnerable and she would often advise my partner on what to do which made me feel she was trying to help, however she would sometimes in person put me down or belittle me. Or she would tell him i was doing things he shouldnt want in life. Which i feel was a strange thing to say to my partner, i felt as a friend she shouldve been encouraging him to support me. She would sometimes belittle me with certain texts for example text and say she thought of me as a child and she was the adult in the relationship, despite me now being age 25, when id correct her in saying i am now an adult she would say she was joking and to stop overthinking. I often put this down to her feeling like a mother figure and potentionally therefore seeing it differently so I ignored it. However i did often feel belittled and as though my opinon wasnt valid in a lot we would discuss, unless it came to things about my past to where it felt safe to tell everything. by this point i already thought so much of her and as mentioned she did do some good things. She also brought gifts too and would tell me she loved me often, and id say it back. However this confused me even more sometimes, as a few days after id say it to her or let her know it was reciprocated and shed not respond, it just felt like mindgames and a lot of secrecy but i wasnt sure why. When i asked if there was a reason for this she deem me as manipulative for asking and said i should just know so i stopped asking and felt i was treading on egg shells. Shed often turn up at my house and walk in (which i felt fine with) however i wasnt allowed to her house unless no one was around and id then be on a time frame. I would never be able to just turn up even when taking flowers as a thank you gift etc. When she came to see me at weekends id always know it would be within certain hours to avoid anyone finding out how close we really were. I feel In some aspects we were friends and at the time i was just glad of having a friend as again i hadnt really had this especially like a family unit. She would often blow really hot and cold and leave me wondering, and when i raised certain things about why i was secret etc or let her know i felt this way. She would deny it and sometimes cry, or blame me and say i was overthinking. Making me feel terrible to the point i was constantly apologising. Shed say loved me unconfitionally etc. I felt like i was going mad and everyone around me was telling me it was unhealthy and i was being manipulated for her own ego. However i still get unsure because she did so much good for me. My partner and current freinds are now tempted to report her to the school because he doesnt want this to reoccur with another vulnerable child, and she does still work there. Especially after this carrying on from the moment i left. the relationship has created a lot of doubt for me and often lead me to doubt my own character and feel extremely low. However im unsure. I dont want to report a genuinely kind person. The friendship has now come to an end as she asked me for space. I asked her if it was due to me and if she didnt want to be friends anymore, she replied and explained she couldnt talk to me that day. I said no problem and explained id always be around if she changed her mind and i was so sorry wed had a misunderstanding and would love to talk it out one day and maybe work things through. She never replied however a few weeks later then messaged advising it was my decision to not be friends anymore which made no sense as i still had the previous messages. This was a more blatent form of what i felt was manipulation and when i kind of started to see other peoples perspective as i noticed it. She implied i was a bad person and had mistreated her but would never explain why. Again when i questioned and asked if that was aimed at me and why she didnt respond. Ive always been polite to her, never raised my voice, sworn etc. Ive always let her know she was appreciated etc. I feel so confused as this seems to have come out of no where but has made me also doubt her intentions with saying she was my mum. Im wondering if im just no use to her anymore. And again if reporting to school is necessary? Opinions please

Submitted July 15, 2020 at 11:28AM by nms1403 https://ift.tt/38Zy2gU