Hi all,
If this is in the wrong forum, please let me know. I am curious if I am expecting too much or if my expectations are way off. I am sorry if this is lengthy, but we have a history with the school our son is in and I am trying hard to understand if I am wrong or if I need to change my expectations.
We have a 9yr old boy. He is a good kid. We all say that, but he really is. He is smart, super inquisitive, but, he is a 9yr old boy. He does not turn the light off in his room, he does not do everything "the first time he is told". I tell people, "He's not a pill, he's a pill and a half".. but that is not because he is bad, it is because he has more energy than NY.
So, we work hard with him. He is improving every year, but concentrating is always his weak side. I get that, and our goal, as parents, is to find a way to help reinforce whatever the teachers are trying to teach so we are all "on the same page".
Well, last year, he had a teacher that was always sending home reports of "He was good".. i.e. "He got a green check mark vs red", then.. we get a call about how he is "out of control" and "he just cannot help himself". We are all over it. We try to find out what happened, how can we help, etc.
As we asked questions, something kept not adding up. "This has been going on for the entire semester!".." Okay, why are we only hearing it now?" "You can't have not noticed, he was like this last year. I was down the hall from his class"..
We try to be helpful, but we every time we asked what is going on, all we got was, "I feel so sorry for him." "What makes you think he cannot control himself?" "Oh, I asked him..." "An 8yr old?"
We were not making excuses for him, we were trying to find out why this was all of a sudden an issue and all we heard was he was doing good. Then, "He's not doing his work in class" "Okay, and why does he have straight A's then?"
This goes on and on, but we finally decided to move him and while he still has issues of paying attention.. I mentioned 8-9yr old, right? Okay.. and we worked hard.. he is a LOT better, or so we thought.
Fast forward to this year, same school, and we go to parent-teacher night and it is like speed-dating... we get like 30 seconds with the teachers...not a joke..We are told he is not paying attention, but we love him, he is so smart, so nice, but he is missing a few assignments that he did not turn in.
The next day, wife IMs the teachers, "I did not find the log book you are saying he is missing" and we get a reply the following day, "He has not been turning in work for 5 weeks.
NOW, we are floored. We set a meeting up for the next day. I go, wife is out of town, and two teachers are there. They proceed to tell me how they feel a 4th grader should be responsible for their own work. I agree.. but here's the catch..."If every teacher for every year says that, but they cannot make an effort to help TEACH that responsibility, how do we start to develop the habit?" They go back to, "By the time they are in the 4th grade..."
I am trying to tell them, as I approach this (shockingly for me) from, "How can we help you be successful, so they can be successful?" and that leads to, "Okay, at what point do you notify me we have a problem, before it gets to 5 weeks of no work? I mean, we have a straight A student that has, according to you, not turned in work for 5 weeks?"
Let me throw this in, we DO the work with him each night. He only gets homework Monday and Wednesday. We sit down with him and make sure he does it himself, we check it, and he keeps at it till he gets it all right, so he HAS the work, but.. it is not getting turned in? All WE see at As on the online grades. They say, "That is his responsibility.." and I get that, but how do WE, as parents and teachers, ensure that we know when he is not meeting those responsibilities?" We informed you all a week ago?"
They use an app, they blog a message of a stack of notebooks and "Wow! so many buddy logs turned in. Some kids have not turned theirs in. They still have time!" and THAT.. was the notification. I asked, "and when he did not turn in this log, week 1... or 2.. or 3.. at what point do you contact us and tell us there is a problem?"..."We told you all. " "No, you told the families that some had not done it. Our son has straight As.. how would we know if he said it was all done?
I get it, not protecting him, I am trying to figure out, am I wrong for saying that they have been teaching him for 6 weeks and they say the last 5, he has not turned work in and he is about to lose his grades, and am I wrong for thinking, "CALL us before it gets to five weeks?!" heh
Then, here's the kicker..
The "deal" I worked out is that "I" will watch this online blog. If I see a message stating someone may or may not have turned in homework, "I" will message them asking if my kid is one of the people.
They have reading logs. They are told "Read 20 minutes every day, he does.. has been. He did not fill out the log. Wife and I thought it was not required, turns out it was. No-one told us, or we misunderstood. They tell the kids "here is a blank log.. log it whenever". I got copies, filled every single line with 10/1, 10/2, 10/3, etc... I do not expect to leave it up to him, I write every day. He reads every day. He logs every day. I sign every day. That is the deal "we" all worked out, they gave me extra copies.
Then, math homework. He has been doing it.. but they did not have it. We had no idea. It is in his backpack. They do not ask him for it. They have a basket and if it is not in there when the time is up, it is not counted. 5 weeks later, not a single message from them.
So, I now will get TWO copies. Both will be filled out and I will expect a signature back on one copy 2 times a week. Me.
Last part and worst. He had 4 library books, in his backpack. He has not been able to participate in the daily reading, for weeks.. because he was missing his book. I am like, "what book?" evidently, a book that is in a ziploc bag. I asked where it was. "It is in Ms xxxxxx's room" ..."Next door? 4 ft away? for how long?" "A few weeks..."
......
So, We talk to my son, as a "team" we tell him we are going to help him develop better habits. It is his responsibility to learn those habits, but it is ours to teach them. I do not miss the snide looks from the teachers as I state this as they still do not think they did a single thing wrong.
Now, today, a day later.. I am explaining this all to my wife who is out of town and a call comes in, it is one of the teachers and she has my son next to her. She is mad at him because "we just spoke about this yesterday and he forgot his book again.." I am like, "Where is the book, 'son'?" "In Ms. xxxxxx's room"... 4 ft away...
I calm down, tell the teacher that we will have a talk with him tonight. (We actually did not tell him to get the book and put it in his backpack yesterday... we said we will help him)... clearly, my version of help and theirs is way off.. as they flat out refuse to help at all. I asked them if they had reminded the kids to get their books and she says, "oh yes, every day"...and I am thinking, "and did anyone say "'son', make sure you put yours back in your backpack.. you know we talked about this with your father yesterday..."...no, because they would say, "by 4th grade we expect them to be responsible..."
So.. am I totally off my rocker? I get it.. he needs to keep his stuff together, be prepared, listen.. not saying he does not share responsibility, but holy cow.. the kid makes his own breakfast every morning, lunches, is a model cub scout, very respectful, always says yes sir and yes mam...smart as all .. but he is a 9yr old boy that .. annoying or not.. it is "squirrel!".. and is it wrong of me to think they should have walked him 4ft and told him to get the book back and not take it out again unless he is in the other room.. that is 4ft away?
I vented.. sorry.. again. Not trying to say my son is an angel, but good lord....5 weeks of no comms and they blame US for not knowing.
DMD
Submitted October 02, 2019 at 01:18PM by Droney_McDroneface https://ift.tt/2owUQ4G
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario