I was told to play dumb my whole childhood life for SSI checks and now my brain feels locked

i have to be brutal and honest i never learned nothing in school. my dad was a wise man and calm and he tried to teach us spanish but my mom was mentally sick and would tell him to shut up because she didnt know what he was saying. she was controlling and always yelling and fighting with him jumping out the car running off having another child with another man and she told us to play dumb so we wouldnt lose those ssi checks. she really pushed us all back from learning anything. when friends want to play board games or games I always try to come up with an excuse because I'm afraid it maybe something I'll have to say that I won't know and I don't want to look stupid in front of everyone

i was so far behind it literally hurt my brain to look at a book. i couldnt catch up and i started acting out because i felt dumb. we all wish we could speak spanish like my dad and we wish we would have completed school but the house was just a mess.

now i am an adult and i get overwhelmed and discouraged so fast. i can read and write a little but i dont know math or science or where to put commas and periods. i use my phone for answers but i want to actually be better and learn.

where do i even start when i cant even look at a 4th grade book without getting confused? is there anyone like me or am I alone it wasn't supposed to be like this.

Submitted 2026-02-24T21:11:37+00:00 by jhn1690 https://ift.tt/0ASwQWH