Studying hard only made me depressed, so why should I study hard?

First of all, I don't know if this is the right subreddit for this or if anyone will even read it, and I can totally understand if this gets removed, I just wanted to ask for advice.

So, as the title says, why should I study or even study hard? I mean, I was raised to study hard. My mom made me afraid of failing with physical punishment. Now it stopped, but the school only gives me anxiety and panic attacks.

I've tried to study hard and get good grades for such a long time. I've given up all hobbies and even sleep for school, sleeping 10 minutes during the whole night was a thing. School left me with nothing. All it's made me is depressed, anxious, afraid, suicidal and I started self-harming to cope with it. I'm not smart enough to perform well and I can't stop trying because of anxiety.

Why should I try for something that hasn't given me one single good thing back in over a decade?

Submitted January 07, 2021 at 01:54PM by Matik080 https://ift.tt/3s4hyNL