A struggling student

I (18F) study in 12th grade

I really want to be a good student. I crave academic validation. I want to get into a really good university. I have such big ambitions. Why don't i put in the effort? I always procrastinate. I always doom scroll. Play stupid games watch stupid videos. I try to quit it then go right back. I want to lock these things away in a vault but I'm pretty sure I'd break that vault open. I feel tired and sleepy all the time. I sleep 4 hours i feel tired. 8 hours still tired. 12 hours also tired. I want to do well but once i do one thing wrong i waste the whole day. I can't get out of this vicious cycle. I sometimes get real motivated and study super well for like 4 days then back to square one. I keep wishing for time to turn back so i could do better. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't i keep up with my ambitions? Even those 3 or 4 days that i study real well it feels like I don't actually get enough done. It feels like a huge mountain is in front of me. I feel like a disappointment and waste of my parents money. I'm so scared of being deemed a failure by society yet i still don't put in the work. It's like I don't know how to study until it's the day before my exam. I want to quit everything and go back to 10th grade. Back when i somehow did really well without putting in the work.

Submitted 2026-08-24T19:44:30Z by art__is https://ift.tt/WfQl1y9