Exams in one week, I'm not freaking out anymore...?

I'm a European student, I finished high school two weeks ago and I have college entrance exams in one week.

I spent my entire senior year preparing for these exams because they mean a lot to me. My grades need to be as high as possible to secure a spot at my college choices.

It was exhausting and quite honestly the worst year of my life.

I had a very strict schedule. I would wake up anywhere between 4 and 7 and study until 10 with small breaks in between and a bigger one for an afternoon nap. Even toilet breaks where scheduled. No room for fun or eating. Any unexpected event (such as a stranger asking me for directions for 5 minutes) would make me feel guilty and like I wasted my time, like I could have put that time into studying. I missed many opportunities to have fun or relax, I always refused my friends when they asked me to hang out, I went from reading tens of books to none etc. I genuinely spent most of my year at my desk. My most used phrase was "I don't have time".

I would constantly freak out and break down because I still felt stupid and like I was going to fail because these exams are, of course, difficult. Not are there way too many concepts to understand and formulas and essays to memorize, but they're also hard and there's too little time. At one point I'd have a panic attack every day until I got sent to therapy.

Until April, I didn't even think I stood a chance at passing the exams. Then we took mock exams and thankfully, I passed, but the scores were not high enough.

I also missed my junior year because I was an exchange student in the U.S.

And on top of everything, I had to deal with an eating disorder too.

But now there's only one week left and I'm not freaking out anymore? I'm actually relieved and relaxed and I can't wait for it to be over. I'm taking everything easy and I only spend a few hours reviewing or focusing on things I don't understand that well. I spend the rest of the day walking, reading, watching movies or hanging out with my friends. I still feel like I could be better, I still feel like there are many things I don't know how to solve or formulas I might forget, but I'm content with that.

Is this a bad thing? I feel like I should be stressed and freak out now more than ever.

Perhaps therapy worked.

Help?

Submitted June 21, 2021 at 01:26AM by rebeccaxhealy https://ift.tt/3gMUIp8