About to dropout from university for the second time. Advice?

I dropped out of music school a year and a half ago which I attended for three years, had one to go. Then I had a year where I was severely depressed and struggled with all sorts of mental issues. Didn't do anything for months other than sulk in depression, paranoia and anxiety. I dropped out for those reasons btw. Got better after about 8 months, decided to do something other than, well, nothing. Got a job at a call center, hated it and realized I needed to do something else in order to advance in life. I didn't want to stay stuck at that dead end job. I started up picking skills, worked at a phone repair shop where I learned tons about fixing electronics. Started a coding bootcamp (100Devs) and started to feel like I was going somewhere. My parents were eager for me to get my life back on track and suggested to try university for computer science, which I agreed to. I started attending online university for computer science in February, but it's crap and I haven't learned anything related to computers yet. I was really enjoying the 100Devs course and even got a few paid gigs. But sometimes I still get depression dips, and I struggle with being constant with my workflow and energy. Did a mediocre job with those gigs, but got them done. Right now I am feeling depressed, and I stopped doing the coursework (which is 100% of the grade) for online uni. I am most likely going to drop out for the second time. The reasons:

1. I am feeling depressed. Can't muster up energy to do work.
2. I hate the subjects. I know I should be more mature and just work through it, but, look at reason 1.
3. The subjects so far have had nothing to do with what I want to learn. Some of them were mildly interesting but objectively I don't think I'm learning anything. It's just a lot of rinse and repeat. Really really bored at online uni, and because it's online, I don't even get the benefit of making friends and hanging out or get stimulated socially.
4. For reason 3 I don't think it's worth paying for. Maybe it will ramp up at some point but right now I'm sure to fail the current subjects, and I don't think I want to continue.
5. I feel stuck. My routine makes me feel like I'm getting nowhere. A lot of my friends are graduating and getting jobs that get paid really really well right out of uni and I'm stuck at my parents'.

These are the ones at the top of my head. I love my parents and I thank them a lot for helping me through such a hard time when I dropped out the first time. They've offered me nothing but love and understanding. I can't help but think I'm letting them down again. My mom says I should finish what I start and honestly it is a true problem. I haven't finished a process other than high school I suppose. I'm frustrated and sort of depressed. Meds aren't working as they used to I think.

Here's the thing: what if I'm making a huge mistake? Or what if I'm making a great step forward? I always hated school, it bores me out of my mind. I find it tedious and would much rather learn by doing. That's why I enjoyed 100Devs so much! I know I'd like to work with computers, and live a comfortable life, save up for a house and make music on the side. I'm having a really hard time with this whole ordeal, I think about it nonstop. 'What do I do? What do I do?', always playing chess in my head with my situation. So far I can't find a good solution. Honestly, I don't know what to do. There's OSSU, a free online university curriculuum for learning everything you'd learn at a BA for Computer Science. I'm looking into it and it seems enticing, especially because it's free and high quality. But I'd be pretty much the same situation as online uni, where I have no way of making connections.

In addition to everything, my mom was just in the hospital for a kidney infection and I'm getting worried that money might be an issue in the near future, since they found other things going on with her. I'd like to help out with money, since they've always helped me and I just want my mom to be ok. I'm thinking, maybe I should train to get a job in tech and move from there, but I'm scared honestly. I'm not prepared for any of this.

Thanks for reading this long ramble about my situation. You're very kind.

TLDR: Title, wanna work in tech, unsure of what to do.

Submitted July 17, 2022 at 07:15PM by kabymaster https://ift.tt/uwjqtdr