Drop out, GED and community college -> state school?

Hello. I am 18 and moved to the USA last year. My entire life I was homeschooled because I have autism and dealt with extreme isolation, educational neglect and a lot of abuse. Because my parents are seperated, only my mom came to the USA. I went with her because my dad was threatening to murder us and it became an extreme situation. My entire life past the age of 10, no one cared about my school, especially because I'm a girl in Pakistan. The expectation was that they would say I was homeschooled and that I'd married etc whatever my education. Regardless I decided I value education and did my IGCSEs, or the five minimum you need to pass. I got straight As in all of them. (A* actually, in O levels, in case any british or formerly colonized by the british are reading)

Now I have to go to public school. But before this, I got to leave the house maybe once a week or less and only to get groceries. No friends, no meeting family, nothing. Now with my history of abuse and educational neglect, I attempted suicide and was put in psychiatric facility. I feel like I NEED to drop out of public highschool. I am so depressed that I constantly daydream about acquiring a shotgun or some SN, if you know what I mean. (for myself only.)

So is it okay to drop out of highschool? I have panic attacks around people and I haven't even adjusted to the country. I am very academically talented which I am lucky for, but due to being autistic my social skills are in the negatives. The trauma makes it worse, so does the cultural barrier.

If I drop out, take the GED, go to CC and then state school will I be okay? My family cannot afford better than community college anyway, so it would be the same with my diploma and I'm super sure that if I taught myself from grade 5 to joining junior year in highschool I can handle community college no problem. So can I take a short break and do that? My circumstances are kind of horrible and I'm very driven since I took my O levels completely on my own and have always been putting myself through education. No one around me cares at all. So I KNOW I wouldn't "not take it" because I KNOW that I push myself as far as I can. This is just too far for my unique circumstances, in my opinion.

Right now it feels like I can't deal with new country, seeing people who are so lucky who also sort of bully me, and dealing with everyday noise and chatter. I am really thinking of killing myself everyday but I'd much rather go to college.

I also have a 31 on the ACT which I can probably raise a few points on because I tried to skip that ACT. They had me take it absolutely unprepared.

Submitted September 13, 2023 at 09:06PM by i_hate_myself_pppp https://ift.tt/n9MyQqa